Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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