she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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