If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
