I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You took a bar mat shot.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
