I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
