My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
