God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
