I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
