she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
