your thong is hanging out like whoa
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
