I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
