I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
