Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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