You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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