Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Randomize
