i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
