There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
