....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can't put those talents on a resume
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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