hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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