Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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