I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
