This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
