i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
