ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
