Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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