so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I would fuck him just for his dog
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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