Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
