Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
