Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
