Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
