I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
