Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
