I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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