Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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