Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
