Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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