shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
