Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
