K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
