Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
