I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
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my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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