She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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