Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
