help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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