My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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