Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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