So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
