remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
