ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
