Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
