Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
