y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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