No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
