Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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