he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
