saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
