I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
