You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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