i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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