the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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