I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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