i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
