Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
