Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I smell like Dick and happiness
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